INTRODUCING GLUTEN-FREE SEO!
Discover a new type of SEO. It’s fresh, it’s delicious, and it’s entirely ethically produced.
We are thrilled to introduce a brand new SEO product, ethically cultivated and naturally farmed to offer a fresher, greener approach to digital marketing. It’s time to discover an SEO Service that you can enjoy with a clear conscience; with no nasty additives, no artificial colorings and absolutely no harmful emissions – guaranteed.
This is Gluten Free SEO
For over a decade, our artisan online marketers have strived to create an all-new, fresh-from-the-farm organic SEO service, developed especially for the informed, ethical consumer.
At our organic SEO farm (don’t panic, it’s nothing like a link farm, honest), set in rural Denmark against a backdrop of non-GM crops, we’re dedicated to raising SEO according to the highest standards of digital marketing welfare.
When our results have matured, they’re flown all the way to the top of SERPs in a solar-powered biplane, transported by a hipster with a beard more luxurious than your Uncle Boris’s.
We ensure not only that our produce live long, happy lives, but that your SEO tastes all-the-sweeter. Introducing Gluten-Free SEO.
Ready to discover a cleaner, greener way to grow your digital presence? Let’s explore a few of the ingredients which make our Gluten-Free SEO service extra delicious and wholesome…
Non-GMO Titles
Our non-GMO meta titles are sown naturally, without the use of any artificial measurements like competition or search volume. Keywords are then grown as nature intended, and left to fall naturally from the Keyword Planner Tree, resulting in that wholesome, tempting goodness that no search engine can resist.
Come harvest, our orchards burst with juicy clickbait, from freshly picked “Click Here!” to ripe and ready “Great Deals!!!” Of course, our non-GMO titles all come in at 75 characters or less and are chock-a-block with organic terms your less-than-ethical competitors haven’t even considered.
It’s all part of being truly Gluten-Free!
“My website’s titles were so bloated and gassy, I’m so glad I found Gluten Free SEO! Non-GMO Title tags have helped my website become less constipated!”
“Organic was just not cutting it for my titles, they were so tired all the time. Gluten Free, Non GMO titles solved all of our troubles!”
Grass-Fed Meta Descriptions
Our grass-fed meta descriptions are each hand-reared by a dedicated specialist, and weigh in at 160 characters. We don’t allow any artificial keyword research to infiltrate their diets, but graze them in pastures rich with natural keywords, cherishing them up until the moment they’re ready to serve up at the top of SERPs.
When you order our gluten-free, grass-fed meta descriptions, you’ll immediately taste the difference. And, knowing that every word has enjoyed a healthy, happy life in an entirely eco-friendly environment, you’ll be able to enjoy our meta descriptions with your conscience untroubled and your digital presence glowing.
“When I found out that Grass Fed Meta Descriptions are lower in calories and have more Omega-3s than grain fed descriptions, I was hooked!”
“Grassfed is the way to go when it comes to meta descriptions. Combined with website yoga, my website has never felt better!”
Dolphin Friendly Optimization
Absolutely NO NETS are used to fish for our dolphin-friendly optimized website copy. Instead, we handpick each piece of scrumptious digital content from sustainable schools and we never catch more keywords than necessary, in keeping with our pledge to avoid over-optimizing.
Again, artificial techniques which utilize harmful practices have no place aboard our vegetable oil-fueled fishing vessels. Instead, your fresh-from-the-water optimization happens entirely naturally, to serve you up the freshest, finest catches.
Cage Free Back Links
Your links taste better when they come from happy bloggers. We ensure that every creature which lays our wholesome, organic links lives a free and happy life with access to plenty of sunlight, picturesque scenery, a Swedish masseuse, a full breakfast buffet and comfortable coops full of the softest, sweetest straw.
We take a strong stance against battery-cage farmed links: it isn’t just inhumane, it also produces low-quality links lacking in the essential click through vitamins essential for strong website growth and development.
Hormone-Free Content
From infographics to editorials to guest posts—every single piece of content we nurture has been raised with no growth-boosting hormones or damaging paid advertising
We know the dangers unnatural hormones pose to innocent pieces of content. We’ve seen infographics blown to monstrous proportions, breaking websites, crushing small start-ups underfoot, wreaking havoc upon the hapless internet. But ensuring that our content is unsullied and hormone-free isn’t just about protecting humanity from digital Godzilla: hormone-free content looks better and tastes better too!
With every mouthful of our hormone-free, gluten-free, totally organic content, we guarantee you’ll rank better than your competitors—morally, if not digitally.
If you are tempted by Gluten-Free SEO or Organic SEO, then you’ve been duped.
The truth is: There’s No Such Thing.
~adjective
- Relating to or derived from living matter
- (Of food or farming methods) produced or involving production without the use of chemical fertilizers, pesticides, or other artificial chemicals:
- Physiology Relating to a bodily organ or organs.
- Denoting or characterized by a harmonious relationship between the elements of a whole.
- Characterized by gradual or natural development. i.e.: the organic growth of community projects
You Get What You Pay For
Sadly, not everything can go organic. Unlike your produce, you’re not doing your website any favors by relying on natural growth and development.
Search engines and digital marketers bracket any result which appears in Google’s organic results (i.e. not paid results) as “organic,” but can it really be said that the brands and businesses which occupy the top spots in “organic” SERPs have gotten there naturally?
The answer is no.
There’s a difference between organic search results (totally legit!), and the idea that any search engine optimization service can be in any way organic. When you invest in “organic SEO,” you’re paying for a label that is ultimately meaningless.
The truth is: results untouched by digital marketing cursors are search engines’ only true organic produce. As soon as you begin optimizing, your results are not organic.
Time to forget about Gluten-Free SEO and start pursuing Intelligent SEO instead……
=)